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I had s*x with my friend`s wife last night and now I feel awful. She must have had the flu or something.
Every loaf of bread is a tragic story of grains that could`ve become beer, but didn`t
They say the camera adds 10lbs. Stop eating cameras!
The good thing about Facebook is if someone gets on your nerves enough, you can make them cease to exist in your world and you don`t even have to hide a body.
If Monday had a face... I`d punch it.
I`m not insulting you, I`m describing you.
Facebook has suggested that I POKE you.
One things for sure, I can always count on my fingers.
Sometimes I just open up the cabinet and let the Tupperware hit me in the face on purpose.
I`m still trying to get over the fact that oranges are pre-sliced by nature.
So bored at work I can`t even think of something to goggle
people say nobody`s perfect..i made nobody!..
If zombies ever attack just go to Costco...they have concrete walls...years of foods and supplies...and best of all the zombies can`t get in without a Costco membership card.
if you don`t have anything nice to say, come sit by me, and we can make fun of people together.
Today’s Generation: “Omg my parents never let me have anything.” via iPhone.