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"Love is all we need."-Said a wise man 40 years ago. He obviously has never had a computer
I know you people are crazy. I can spot my own kind a mile away.
I saw a chameleon today. I guess it was a pretty crappy chameleon.
Facebook is cheaper than therapy, twice as effective & you can do it naked.
This haunted house sucks. It`s just people sitting in cubicles under fluorescent lights looking sad. Wait, I`m at work, sorry.
Last year I won a $50 gift card to Chili`s at a Christmas raffle. ...... This year I`ve decided my Secret Santa gift is going to be a $14.37 gift card to Chili`s.
There should be an energy drink named 6 AM child
I cannot be held responsible for what my face does when other people talk.
To all who called into work drunk today. Happy St Patrick`s Day.
One man’s potato is another man’s vodka.
Everyone sends text like "good morning sunshine", so I texted "good morning solar eclipse" ... Yeah, don`t do that.
Life gets expensive when you trust a woman that`s cute.
Sometimes.. late at night... I fill my bathtub with tomato sauce and pretend I am a meatball.
The only thought I have for the weather lately is that someone somewhere is losing a game of Jumanji.
You know you’re getting old when you have to have a drink to motivate you to go out & have a drink.