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It`s called "Biscotti" because nobody would buy "chocolate covered croutons".
Remember when double entry was an accounting term?
If your dog weighs less than 10lbs, it`s technically a cat
I used to wake up feeling like a million bucks. Now I wake up feeling like a bounced check.
Some of us learn from the mistakes of others; the rest of us have to be the others.
The last 10 seconds of every voicemail my grandmother leaves me is her trying to hang up the phone.
It`s not so much that I have to work that bothers me...oh wait, yes it is.
Today is national bring your flask to work day. I just made it up. Tell the others...
The Internet: 1% information 1% jokes 98% outrage over information and jokes
I have my hesitations about Paradise City if the first thing you brag about is the color of the grass
You know you drank too much last night when you have to use google maps to locate yourself the next morning.
I’m always disappointed when a liar’s pants don’t actually catch on fire.
Well, if you`re going to question my reputation and credentials as a gynecologist,I suggest you get the hell out of my office van.
Nothing says you mean business more than putting on a bib before you eat a girl out
If you get pulled over, ignore the cop and tell him that your mommy told you not to talk to strangers.