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A world without women would be a pain in the a$$.
"This is bullsh!t" - bull farmer giving barn tours
I need new swear words.
I saw that! - Karma
My neck, my back. My pizza and my snacks.
Don`t forget, If anyone asks we are a normal family.
Who cares how I got inside your house. What matters is that we`re together now.
I need a thingy to fix the thingy because the thingy came loose and the thingy is wiggly now. Do you sell those? -Me, at Home Depot
The best nicknames are the ones people don’t know they have
When I woke up this morning everything in my house had been stolen and replaced with exact replicas... WEIRD..
We didn`t take a video recording of our child`s birth but we have some awesome video of his conception.
This coworker is about to find out walking around smiling on a Monday always leads to workplace accidents.
I hear they designed the newest iPhone to fit perfectly in your hand, right where your money used to be.
Calling your girlfriend beautiful because you forgot her name.
Oh... the look on the Home Depot associate`s face when I asked him if the pruning shears will cut through bone... priceless.