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I`m not bothered if someone likes me or Not. Even Angels are hated by Demons.
I can totally relate to cranky elderly people. I mean you can only be nice for so long!
Just ordered a Fitbit and my bank called to see if my card was stolen.
I can only please one person a day...and today is not your day!
"Karate" is an old Japanese word that means, "My kid can`t hit a baseball."
I`m reading a book on anti-gravity. It is impossible to put down.
Regardless of how much time you think you waste, just know that someone created a very detailed Wikipedia page for Grumpy Cat.
Dogs love you even if you’re ugly.
I think when a restaurant has "lobster celebration" it is very misleading to the lobster.
If the people in horror movies would just listen to me, they would still be alive!
Some guy waved to me and then walked up and said, “Sorry, I thought you were someone else.” .... I said, “I am.”
Every woman thinks her husband is a moron. And they’re absolutely right because smart men don’t get married.
I was driving thru Farmville and I had to pee ... so I pulled over and fertilized your crops
I don`t have a drinking problem........I just celebrate everything!!! Like the fact that I have pants on, I`ll be celebrating that tonight.
I eat my corn on the cob like an old-school typewriter. This is how the 80`s cartoons taught me to do it as a kid.