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Mowed the lawn yesterday with my shirt off and this morning there were 50 shirts left on my porch with a sign that said, "Please wear."
I`ve had frozen pizza and delivery pizza in the same day, b!tch you don`t know me.
Always keep your words soft and sweet, just in case you have to eat them.
I wish there was an observation deck at WalMart.
It`s not illegal to get in a taxi and scream until you`ve reached your destination.
Why can`t my coworkers just play on the Internet like normal people instead of trying to engage me in conversation.
The right man breaks your headboard, not your heart.
There is literally no way of knowing how many chameleons are in your house.
I`m not necessarily saying that I am or am not a super hero, but I do occasionally stand with my hands on my hips.
? Single ? Taken ? Depends on who`s asking.
My favorite holiday spirit is poured over ice.
I`m not antisocial. I`m pro leave-me-the-hell-alone.
I really hate it when I have to watch the same channel for 2 days because the remote fell behind the couch.
I wouldn`t say I "missed" your call.
Hysterical Shrieking should be reserved for truly serious situations such as Centipedes, Spiders, and that Creepy Uncle that likes to give everyone back rubs.....