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“I promise”, “I am sorry”, and “I love you” all have eight letters, but then again, so does “bullshit”.
Never trust a person with only one Facebook photo of themselves.
I will stop eating ice cream out of the container once I make it completely level.
Oh, I have an idea!!..oh wait, no I don`t
Just pour the coffee and back away slowly.
A man asks a trainer in the gym: "I want 2 impress that beautiful girl , which machine can I use?" Trainer replies: "Use the ATM"
Caterpillars have the ideal life. They eat a lot and then sleep for a while and wake up beautiful.
As a man, I honor Christopher Columbus every day of the year by refusing to ask for directions.
Wake up, kids! Bees can`t even read, much less spell. IT`S A SCAM!
She looks like the kind of girl that brings a suitcase on the first date.
I`m not mental, other wise the rubber duckies would have told me by now...
“I don’t know why people dislike jury duty. I think being able to play god with others’ lives sounds fun!” – How I got out of jury duty
am feeling lazy......... jst like the guy who desighned the Japannese flag
Did a 5k today. Except it was how many calories I had at lunch.
My "Savings Account" is just several pairs of unwashed jeans on the floor that may or may not still have change in the pockets.