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Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!

Men are like dogs. We’re excited to see you and have no clue what you’re mad about.
Legally,ItΒ΄s questionable. Morally,ItΒ΄s disgusting. Personally,I like it.
Some days I’d like to take a chainsaw and cut a few branches off my family tree.
Hardest thing in life: Trying to look happy when no money falls out of your birthday card.
Alcohol: Because no good story starts with β€œSo this one time I was eating a salad….”
OMG! I just discovered that if I align them JUST right, that I can make your boobs stand straight up (just like the broom trick)! Message me for an appointment! ;)
I should eat more healthy, but we all saw how that whole apple thing went for Adam & Eve.
I tried kickboxing, but I couldn`t get the hang of walking with boxing gloves on my feet.
Sometimes I watch sports holding an xbox controller just to screw with my girlfriend`s head...
I would lose weight, but I hate losing..
Saying a prayer for all the turkeys today. Also the single people with concerned relatives.
"Ah, OK. Yes. Now I see it." -Me lying to someone who`s pointing out a constellation
Starting a sentence with β€œIf you ask me” almost always indicates that no one asked you.
Just ate a sleeve of crackers on my wife`s side of the bed.. I`ll let you know...
I broke up with my girlfriend by e-mail. I don`t know what upset her most, the fact that I did it by email or the fact that I cc`d my new girlfriend who wanted proof.