Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Confidence is going after Moby Dick in a row boat ... and taking the tartar sauce with you.
"That`s crazy" is the perfect response when you haven`t been listening.
I`m not insulting you, I`m describing you.
I went to the bank and said I`d like to open a joint account. They said "With who?" I said "Anyone who has a lot of money!"
If I had a time machine I`d set it to "back in the day", just to see what everyone is talking about.
Heat causes things to expand, so I`m not fat; I`m just hot.
Do you think people in Mexico ever say, "Those jobs keep stealing all our Mexic?ns!"
Cool thing about winter is after grocery shopping your car can double as your refrigerator.
OMG, you guys, there`s a button on this stove that says "Stop Time". Should I press it??
Happy St. Patrick`s Day! I was going to drink anyway!
After all these years, I`m beginning to suspect that Waldo doesn`t want to be found.
If I had a nickel for every time I`ve misplaced my keys, there`d be a jarful of money I would also have to look for
They say dolphins are the second smartest animal after humans, but I`ve never seen a dolphin with a face tattoo.
Patiently waiting for the Prozac to kick in so I can start my day....Ok, Maybe NOT patiently!
My reaction to stepping in dog sh!t is identical to me logging onto Facebook