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people live & people die, but in the the end we still get high.. so if in life you dont succeed, F*CK it All & smoke some WEED ?
Sneaking alcohol into work is pretty easy if you put it in your stomach first.
With the rise of self-driving vehicles, eventually there will be a country song about how your truck left you too.
Why put off `til tomorrow what you can premeditate today.
If you don’t cuss when you drive you aren’t paying enough attention to the road.
Admit it...Life yould be boring without me.
Still waiting for the moment when there will be a "add to wishlist" button on people`s facebook profile !!
I hate it when I think I`m buying organic vegetables and I get home to discover they`re just regular doughnuts.
Nothing says I have faith in God like the bullet proof glass on the Pope`s car.
I wish I had the kind of life my spam folder thinks I have!
While wearing a bikini you show 90% of your body -But men are so polite, that they stare only at the covered places.
Digging through a box in the closet and I found a picture of me sitting on Santa`s lap. Hard to believe that was almost 2 years ago.
What an intoxicated Schwarzenegger might say to a police officer: "I`m an IDIOT you COP!"
I was going to buy my first pair of Jordans.. Until I saw the price.. So I decided to make a car payment instead!
10 times out of 9, you’ll find me exaggerating about something