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What idiot called it the sun instead of a space heater?
I`m just a few smartphone apps away from never having to talk to anyone again.
Got a problem with me? I’m pretty sure a status on Facebook won’t fix it.
I called one of those numbers in the bathroom stall and my wife answered. Very funny guys.
It’s interesting how the ads on Youtube never have trouble buffering
Nothing is more discouraging that unappreciated sarcasm.
I was late to work because I was having car trouble. And by car trouble I mean I was sleeping and not driving the car.
I wish I could google "things to eat in my fridge" so I wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed. ;)
If you are alone and feeling lonely, fart. Someone always walks in after you fart.
When the only light in your world is suddenly gone …it’s time to recharge your phone.
May have put up a few too many Christmas lights. A 747 just landed in the backyard.
I just watched my dog chase his tail for 10 minutes and thought, "Wow, dogs are easily entertained." Then I realized I just watched my dog chase his tail for 10 minutes.
I find myself highly addicted to books as of late. Once I start coloring the first few pages I can`t stop....
Be Poor... Its Cheaper :)
I think germs are so nice for waiting 5 seconds before attacking food that falls on the floor.