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When your girlfriend or wife says "lol have fun", do not have fun. Abort mission. I repeat. Abort mission.
Men look at boobs for the same reason women look at puppies in cages. We just want to set them free and play with them.
Just for fun, next time you see a snooty, rich woman at the grocery store, ask her if she works there.
If others are jealous, you’re doing something right.
"Kids are great when you need help around the house." - People who don`t have kids
If life Sucks, what makes you think death doesn`t Blow??
Car horns were invented 1% for safety and 99% because people get pissed off sometimes and need to let a mofo know.
Of all the grotesque sounds coming from the bathroom stall next to me, the camera click was the most disturbing!!
I gave my dog a middle name today, so he knows when he`s really in trouble.
Babysitting is a way for teenagers to feel like adults while adults go out to feel like teenagers.
The way I see it, every Friday is Good Friday.
If your buttcrack is showing out of your pants. I will drop change in it and make a wish.
I never let anyone see me eat junk food. Not because I`m afraid they will judge me. I just don`t want to share.
Considering this is the land of the free, stuff is pretty damn expensive.
I didn’t get the job… heading home.. Good Bye Rome.. until we meet again.