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Late to bed and early to rise, makes me really tired and pissed off.
Ask your doctor if walking blindly into traffic is right for you
Let’s get naughty and save Santa the trip.
After 20 years of marriage, my wife still makes me smile. At least for the pictures...
Mrs Bieber.... WHY U NO USE CONDOM?
Dinosaurs never had pizza and they all died.
Today is "find your active cavity at 50% off" day at your local store.
What makes fancy green beans fancy?
People that are organized are just too lazy to look for things.
Inspirational status of the day: Don’t be a douche.
I`m out of bed and dressed. What more do you want?
“I wonder how much weight I’ve lost.” -Me, after eating one healthy meal.
I had a very confident breakdown today. ...Wasn`t nervous at all. ;)
After lengthy reflection, I’ve concluded that having kids wasn’t worth the seven times my son took out the garbage for me.
I don`t get in trouble, I just get into questionable situations.