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Types of like on facebook: 1.Stalker like. 2.Crush like. 3.I wanna bang you like. 4.Agree like 5.Pity like.
Who do you have to sleep with around here to sleep with someone around here?!
I watch so many crime shows on Tv, that when I turn off the Tv set, I wipe my fingerprints 0ff the remote.
Not to brag but my new mistress is a lingerie model. OK, fine. A mannequin. But she doesn`t talk much and I like that.
Some things are better left unsaid, but I`m probably gonna get drunk and say them anyway.
You`re about 8 beers away from being my type.
You’re never too old to learn something stupid.
Let`s fix the obesity problem AND improve eye-hand coordination by replacing vending machines with claw machines, make people earn snacks.
No great story started with someone drinking water.
Its amazing how much more tolerable thanksgiving with the family becomes after the 5th cocktail…
I work out by ordering a small drink at Burger King, then get up 100 times to refill it.
I`m undecided about which pants to wear today...Smarty of Fancy?
One of my best talents is pretending to like people. Unfortunately, I only show it when no one`s around.
I may be asking too much of this coffee.
I pretty much spend all day, every day, just looking forward to going back to sleep.