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For once Iād like to get kicked into a bar
that moment when autocorrect decides to ruin you and makes a text incredibly awkward.
Shhh...you had me at "alcohol may intensify effect..."
You never really know a woman, until she takes you to court.
Why is there an eject button on the DVD remote? I still have to get up and take the disc out. It`s like having a remote to open the fridge.
I talked to my mom, and she said she probably hadn`t had sex with any of you guys. Damn dirty liars.
Yes we`re friends on facebook but that`s where it ends, stop trying to talk to me in real life... mom
Ever since I installed Adblocker, I have been severely depressed. Hot singles in my area are no longer interested in me.
Why is it called cliffhanger and not
Sir, your burrito is $5.97. With guacamole, your total comes to $386,932.32
I don`t like selfish people. I saw this guy pushing like 50 carts at Wal-mart last night. Really? You think someone else might want one?
I wish my bladder had a snooze button.
Before social networking you could just completely forget someone existed. And it was great
I was the kid my parents warned me about.
my girlfriend asked me to go to the store and pick her up 50 shades of grey, she was pretty mad when i brought home 50 tubes of lipstick.