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Spread happiness by smiling at a stranger today...or flash them your boobs. Strangers love boobs!
Why go to a therapist when a woman will explain everything wrong about you free of charge?
Considering I`m broke, I wonder if she`ll let me be her sugar-free daddy.
With the promise of Free Drinks or Food, I’m willing to go pretty much anywhere.
Dear World, Stop saying "twerk."
I said "Candyman" 5 times into the bathroom mirror and sure enough some woman came out of the stall and screamed at me for being in there.
There`s a reason why natural disasters have female names.
You know your a$s is ugly when you`re the one always asked to take the photo.
I keep seeing studies finding fecal matter on things. Anyone considered that perhaps it`s the scientists that aren`t washing their hands?
If “dress for the job you want” were true, there would be a lot more people wearing capes.
Neighbors just kicked me out of their shower and called the cops. Some of these pokemon go instructions are confusing. A lot of grey area...
Free snow at my house. Shovel all you want!
My opinion of yoga pants varies depending on if I`m at the gym or if I`m at Wal-Mart or at Taco Bell.
Sometimes, when I "like" your post, it`s because my touchscreen is too sensitive and I only meant to scroll by your ass. Sometimes. ;)
No Grandma, "sausage fest" is not a new special breakfast at IHOP