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I`m definitely the drunkest person in this ball pit.
Remember the good old days when making the “duck face” involved 2 Pringles?
Some men get naked when they have to count up to 21...
Thank goodness I`m loud and obnoxious all the time, so my family can`t blame it on the alcohol.
Please don’t mistake my personality for flirting. Just because I’m awesome doesn’t mean I like you.
The girl in the car next to me is totally checking me out. I think she likes me. After I`m done picking my nose, I`m gonna smile and wave.
Gyms are full of people that haven`t found the right couch.
Chocolate comes from Cocoa, which is a tree. That makes cocoa a plant….chocolate is a salad.
bored out of my mind in class i began staring into space... space happened to be right in front of me at the time...
Life is just like a p@nis: Simple, relaxed and hanging freely, It`s the women who make it hard.
Was that lightning? ... No, they`re taking pictures for Google Earth.
if it has tits or tires sooner or later it will give you problems.
I could totally handle twins, triplets even quadruplets. Hold it, you`re talking about BABIES?
That`s it!! I`m never drinking again until tomorrow.
How’s your day going? Here’s a good way to tell: Is it “already” 2:00pm or “only” 2:00pm?