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My tacos arrived with a fork on the plate. I can only guess it`s there to stab potential taco thieves.
Sometimes you run into people who change your life forever ... Bartenders, they are called bartenders.
My 4yo just shut the bathroom door on me while I was inside and told me I was in jail. So I locked the door. I love this game.
Why is it that flies can get in your car so easy, but can`t figure out how to escape with all the windows down.
No great story started with someone drinking water.
Why can’t I lose weight easily I mean I lose everything else without a problem.
So I harvested my tomato today, it`s bound to be good considering the $43.29 I invested to plant it.
Every new day means new opportunities... to make mistakes and f*ck things up.
Hey, how long are you supposed to chase someone after they steal your wallet? Cause I`m getting tired of running and he`s catching up to me.
Have you tried complaining about it for hours?
Does anyone else wonder why naked and baked, 2 words that go together SO well, don`t rhyme?? ...I mean, who comes up with these words anyway? lol
In alcohol`s defence, I`ve done some pretty dumb sh*t while completely sober too.
Beer never asks me if I think another beer is prettier than it.
Wondering if my heart is healthy enough for sex ... volunteers needed.
I`d rather be someone`s shot of whiskey than everyone`s cup of tea.