Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Everyone around me keeps telling me I`m mean ... Which is absurd ... Plus, they`re ugly.
I should run for political office just to see what kind of scandalous dirt they dig up. It would be nice to piece together my twenties.
The first half of our lives is ruined by our parents. The second half will be ruined by our children
My life is a movie. One of those movies where most of the people start leaving right in the middle of it.
They don`t seem to abduct humans like they used to; looks like we are not the only planet with government science-funding budget cuts.
Some mistakes are too much fun to only make once.
Did I ever tell you about my old girlfriend? The one with the "Lazy Eye"? I had to break up with her, she was seeing somebody on the side..........................
If I could have dinner with anyone, alive or dead, there is no question. I would want them to be alive.
Don`t waste my timeline.
You could give me 45 years to do homework and I still wouldn’t do it until the night before.
Before social networking you could just completely forget someone existed, it ruled.
I got a little package in the mail today. For some reason it just reminded me of my ex.
just bought 400 copies of Hoarders: Season 1. Not sure what to do with them.
Just blew the sugar off my donut… Dieting is hard!
You don`t have to drink to have fun... Just have fun drinking!