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I have learned that pleasing everyone is impossible. But pissing off everyone is fun and easy.
Crap, summer is here and I`m nowhere near in drinking shape yet.
“They dared me to” is ALWAYS a valid excuse.
If there`s one thing I`ve learned hiking, it`s the early bird gets the face full of spider webs
I noticed you`re not yourself today. I really like it.
I’ve been that, done that, had that, lost that, needed that and felt that. Just a few of the many reasons why I always drink to “that”.
If u think I talk to much, just let me know. We can talk about it!
Find someone you`re good at.
Who decided that the abbreviation for pound should be two letters not in the word?
If I had three wishes, I`d use one for boobs. Because I`m pretty sure I could get everything else that I wanted if I had boobs.
Why is there an eject button on the DVD remote? You still have to get up & take the disc out. It`s like having a remote to open the fridge.
Why can`t someone look at me the same way I look at pizza?
I never use the phrase, "Your guess is as good as mine" because, well... it`s not.
My nickname at work is "HR wants to see you"
If you love something, feed it so much that it get’s too fat for anyone else to want.