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My life`s paradox: I love sleeping, but I never want to go to bed early.
A newly wed guy asked me about marriage. I told him it’s sort of like a museum. You have to be quiet and you can’t really touch anything.
WARNING!! I have character defects and I`m not afraid to use them.
My mom always said that I`d never find a man dumb enough to marry me. Well, I showed her...
Like medicine, some people should only be allowed to talk in doses. Like 30 sentences three times a day.
Things that make women emotional- 1) sad movies 2) love stories 3) anything 4) everything
8 more days and I will finally get rid of last years Halloween candy.
My wife said if this gets 100 likes, we`ll try butt stuff........ * Please DON`T like,,, her strap-on is big and scary.....
If I look tired at the end of the day, it`s because I just spent eight solid hours looking busy.
Who wants to do something we will regret in the morning? Anyone?
Please pray for the people still playing Farmville on Facebook.
I feel like doing something productive today. If I sit here long enough, maybe it will go away.
Asian gangs, also known as study groups...
I want to meet the guy at Hewlett Packard who decides how many minutes of strange noises their printers make before printing 1 page.
Once again its friday I know its only been 7 days since the last one but feels like its been a week....