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Worry: a waste of imagination.
I have to wonder why we have "non-essential" government employees in the first place.
I told the monster in my closet that coming out of of there would make him gay, haha problem solved ....
Early to bed, early to rise makes a man healthy, wealthy and a crappy party host.
I never tell god how big my problems ,,, I tell my problems how big my god is
I can`t decide if people who wear pajamas in public have given up on life or are living it to the fullest.
Bad decisions and good stories or good decisions and no stories?
On your deathbed tell everyone "pray for me" then make sure to leave a note to be opened after you die that says "pray harder next time."
Home is where I can look ugly and enjoy it.
When the nurse calls my name at the doctor’s office, I like to run through the waiting room like I got called on The Price is Right.
If a lesbian c*ckblocks another lesbian, is that considered a beaver dam?
I like superheroes but I`d rather hang out with the villains.
The feeling you get when a woman asks you to guess her age is like wondering whether to cut the blue wire or the green wire when defusing a bomb.
Lightning is like God`s way of saying "Get out of that tree you pervert!"
Don`t understand how people in depression commercials can be sad with how attractive they are.