Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Put that down you fat piece of sh!t` - the title of the dieting book I`m writing.
I have to wonder why we have "non-essential" government employees in the first place.
I`ve heard of women that aren`t crazy ... but I`ve also heard of unicorns, so whatever...
I`m too lazy to be a stalker. You`ll have to come here. Bring coffee.
Thank you Super Bowl for reminding all Americans how bad we really are at understanding Roman numerals
That awkward moment when you say goodbye to someone and then both walk in the same direction..
I’m always impressed when I can stump auto-correct...
Boobs: Proof that men can pay attention to two things at once.
Here’s the thing about work: I really don’t feel like doing any.
Know your customer. Think like an idiot.
Sobriety is an illusion created by alcohol deficiency.
FACT: There’s always room for another cupcake.
Have you ever realized that sleeping is just your eyes staring at your eyelids all night long?
ATM`s need to have breathalyzers.
I guess I`m somewhat of a big deal, when I tell people about my accomplishments, they always say, "Big deal."