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Honesty is the best policy, unless you`re trying to return something that you`ve already worn.
I really would love to see two mimes arguing.
Does anyone have the owner’s manual for a wife? Mine’s emitting a terrible whining noise.
Worries about the economy grow again after the world`s biggest yacht-selling company announce a drop in sails
Roughly 82% of my day is trying to decide what my next meal will be
Writing "Omg you guys are still friends after what she said about you???" on every group photo of girls I see on Instagram
My body keeps doing these muscle twitches like it wants me to get off this couch and move around. HAHAHAHA. As if.
There is nothing like sitting naked in a beanbag chair eating Cheetos. ...I sure hope they let me back in Walmart.
Can you imagine the reaction 20 years ago if you showed people a photo album filled with pictures you took of yourself in the bathroom?
I think I speak for everyone here when I say "I haven`t the slightest idea as to where my life is headed"
Idea: maybe the police force for a town of 20,000 shouldn`t have access to weapons you ordinarily need cheat codes to get
The best way to hang up on someone is to do it in the middle of your own sentence, that way they will just think you lost service.
"I can`t wait to have you inside me," I whispered softly to my dinner.
Of course it`s you....there`s no f*cking way it`s me...
The squirrels must be gathering nuts. Three of my neighbors have disappeared.