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You will never be happier than a girl who just discovered her dress has pockets.
I feel so stupid for cashing in my retirement account early. But then I always feel stupid using the Coinstar machine.
No pornhub I do not want to share this video with my friends & family on Facebook
Are you thinking what I`m thinking? ... F**king pervert. I`m calling the cops.
Warning: I just get weirder.
The Internet: 1% information 1% jokes 98% outrage over information and jokes
I did a half hour on the treadmill each day last week. This week, I`m up to 1 hour a day. I`m slowly building up to actually turning it on some time in the future.
....so then I said, "What gives YOU the right to judge ME?" And then he gets all, "Order in the court!" and starts pounding his gavel down...
If I owned a copy shop, I’d only hire identical twins to work there.
It`s amazing how tired I get from how little I do.
This post was going to be really funny but I didn`t write it down because I was totally sure I`d remember it.
If the Sahara Desert had a motto it would be "Long time, no sea."
There’s a guy whose whole job is to find new places to hide the “close this ad” button.
*Opens box of cereal* We’ve updated our Privacy Policy
The problem with money is too much of it belongs to people who aren’t me.