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"That`s crazy" is the perfect response when you haven`t been listening.
I`m one more weekend on the couch away from being a throw pillow.
Free will is good, but free pizza is better.
If Harry Potter is so magical then why can’t he fix his eye sight?
I did not say you are stupid, I just said that you have bad luck when you`re thinking.
My friend told me he wants to be a secret agent. Based on that alone, I don`t think he`d be a good secret agent.
Hey! Wanna make $$$$$$ fast? Just follow my simple instructions. 1:Hold down the Shift key 2:Press the number 4 six times. It’s that easy.
It’s strange to think that the sound of nature is the sound of millions of animals desperately trying to get laid.
Broke up with my girlfriend. She was into the horoscope stuff and we weren`t compatible. I`m a libra and shes a...b!tch
I have come to the conclusion that dryer lint is the cremated remains of all my missing socks.
I can`t wait for Taylor Swift to break up with a black guy, so she can write a rap album!
It`s not that people use only 10% of their brains, it`s that only 10% of people use their brains.
I`m often a little confused when people call me insane because, to be honest, I`m still just warming up.
The success of a marriage hinges entirely on the ability to know which of your wife’s clothing is okay to go into the dryer.
If Welch’s is 100% Grape Juice, then why the heck do you list 4 other ingredients?