Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Change of plans everyone: NOBODY Wang Chung tonight.
I have a hidden talent......I really wish I could find it!
Flashlight: A case for holding dead batteries.
Why do they waste so much money on all the checkout lanes at Walmart, when they only have two of them open at any given time.
My doctor asked me if I drink to excess. I told him I would drink to anything.
The word “fireplace” really reveals the creativity of our ancestors
Imagine all the amazing places you could take naps if you were Superman.
One of the things I like to say to a girl after we have sex for the first time is "Hmm, damn weird... I heard you were better."
This guy told me that playing the voilin is the best way to calm you down. I bet he never tried smashing it over someone`s head.
I always stop to help women who have broken down on the road. I don`t know sh!t about cars, but I do know how porn starts off. -Bfanch
Grabbed Pizza Roll. Thought "my god that is so hot it`s burning my fingers" and immediately popped it in my mouth ... I`m a goddamn genius.
In alcohol`s defence, I`ve done some pretty dumb sh*t while completely sober too.
If you`re in WalMart and you`re holding in a fart, just remember, YOU`RE IN WALMART!!
My Superpower is eating 5 times the "suggested serving" size.
what do you mean booze ain`t food!?