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From this point on, all postings of pictures of waffles will be considered a personal invitation.
I`ve discovered I own five umbrellas, if anyone wants to stage a musical number.
A person who is bad at math should never take a calculated risk.
I am out of wine, so I ate a bag of grapes and threw myself down the stairs.
I just got off the couch and I think I accidentally did yoga or some $hit.
Every time you have McDonald’s as a kid, it’s a victory. Every time you have it as an adult, it’s a defeat.
I always pick up a huge cucumber up at walmart and yell to my wife "you said you wanted the biggest one right" Because I`m a great husband
My friends says that I spend too much time talking to random people online. What do you guys think?
I`m not leaving here without some kind of balloon
If you lack motivation, get on treadmill naked in front of mirror.
What is Warm, Soft, Sticky and has a Hole in the middle? It`s a Fresh donut. I was way off on that one!
is wondering why books on "how to make women happy" arent displayed in the fiction section
I`d engage you in a battle of wits, but I`m afraid you`re unarmed.
No matter what I get, it’s impossible not to sound like a douche when saying my order at Starbucks.
You`re right. I don`t have a clue. I`ve never had a clue. It`s part of my charm and it seems to be working for me.