Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Easter can be just as much fun as an adult as it was as a child. Just paint and hide beer cans instead of eggs.
I think the only way I’ll ever be motivated to go to the gym is if I’m in prison.
Now that food has replaced sex in my life, I can’t even get into my own pants.
common sense is like deodrant. the people who need it thr most never use it.
I hope I never get to the age when my body can forecast the weather.
Puttin the `eff it` in efficient today.
"I`m $50 away from getting free shipping which is only $5 and what I want is $12 so I need to spend $38 more to save money." -my brain
When bears are around, try to look skinny and they won`t eat you. If that doesn`t work, kick your buddy in the nuts and RUN!
One day I will solve all problems with grace & maturity. Today is not that day...
My wife says I talk while I sleep. But I’m skeptical. Nobody at work has ever mentioned it.
Would people still go to the gym if Instagram didn`t exist?
“Dad, I’m hungry.” “Hi, Hungry. I’m Dad.” - Every time.
A worm is a pretty disappointing prize for getting up early if you ask me.
My opinion of yoga pants varies depending on if I`m at the gym or if I`m at Wal-Mart or at Taco Bell.
It’s not a nap unless your face wakes up in a puddle of your own drool.