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So I´ve narrowed it down and I´m either gonna start a motorcycle gang or take a nap.
Don`t rush me, I`m waiting until the last minute.
The first guy who bought pants had to go to the store without pants on, that`s just science.
Christmas trees are like boobs...the fake ones are nice to look at... But the real ones are so much better
Well I was gonna donate blood today until the lady got all personal and started asking "who´s blood is this?" and "How did you get it?"
The cat seems really pissed off. He must have only had 22 hours sleep.
My version of flirting is looking at someone attractive multiple times while hoping they are more brave than I am.
Lately, my furnace has run so much I nicknamed it "Forest".
Seems like you must have been pretty stupid to get caught for murder in the 1800s
I don`t make a very good first impression, but if you hang around, my forty-third one is pretty cool.
My haters only have one advantage over me. They can kiss my a$$, I can`t.
Just once, I would like to wake up, turn on the news, and hear... "Monday has been canceled, go back to sleep."
I hope when Bruce Willis dies, it`s from a Viagra overdose. That way the headline can read "Bruce Willis Died Hard".
I don`t understand the saying "you snooze you lose"... I hit the snooze button 8 times this morning and feel like a champion.
Twitter is proof that people should not be allowed to name themselves.