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Your outfit says you work in an office, but your shoes say it might have a pole in it
Question : if you fart at the gym can people wearing headphones still smell it? Asking for a friend
I`m having fruit salad for dinner, well, it`s mostly grapes...crushed grapes ...ok, it`s wine, I`m having wine!
Where 5 minutes becomes 5 hours. Facebook.
I think Iām allergic to mornings.
We`re all mature until someone pulls out bubble wrap.
Anyone else sit on the toilet and play with their phone until you realized you have been finished 10 minutes ago?
Adding "and sh!t" to the end of a sentence to make it sound cooler and sh!t.
Any person can be nice to my face, but it takes a real friend to be nice behind my back.
You know you`re non-domesticated when the only reason you finally transfer the dishes from the sink to the dishwasher is so you can gain access to the garbage disposal.
The trouble with living alone is that it`s always my turn to do dishes.
"I`m tired of you pushing me around and talking behind my back." ----people in wheelchairs probably
"Someday, your phone will cost more than your computer" - said no one ever.
This movie has "adult content"? So, they`re gonna complain about back pains and setting up a 401k?
Ugh, stalkers are horrible. You`d think someone could`ve let me know I was out of toilet paper.