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I told you I was trouble. You should have listened to me instead of staring at my boobs.
Stay positive ladies, maybe he just didn`t hear you the first 100 times.
I`m starting to think that life isn`t worth living anymore and... Oh wait, there`s the bartender now. Nevermind.
To say I wasted today would be a huge insult to the producers of the 3 movies I watched.
Step One: Always have a solid alibi.
Does anyone know how much water I`m supposed to add to this baby powder, to make an infant?
I really shouldn`t have driven home from the bar last night. Especially since I walked there.
How many V and M can see NNNNNMNNNNNNNVVWWWWVWWWWW
I think I have an urge to get up and clean the house. Wait...no, false alarm.
When you have the opportunity to become a bigger person, take it because cake is delicious.
In an effort to explain marriage to my son I put Dora the Explorer on in Spanish and told him to figure it out or he sleeps on the couch.
Someone offered me grapes, but I declined. I`m not used to consuming wine in pill form.
True Story: People will believe you when start a story saying "True story"
A trail of clothes leading to my bedroom means that I dropped them on the way from the dryer ... That`s all.
So, All my exes live in Texas; Exactly, how does one go about scheduling a tornado ?