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That awkward moment when You accidentally hit the LIKE button During Facebook stalking.
ALCOHOL! Giving you the ambition to do anything, while simultaneously taking away your capability to do so.
Me: spends 12 hours comparing teams before completing NCAA bracket, loses $50. GF: Spends 5 minutes picking teams with "cute" mascot names, wins $1000.
Remember, condoms prevent minivans.
Whenever I`m sad, you`re there. Whenever I`m having problems, you`re always there. Whenever my life seems out of control, you`re always there. Lets face it. You`re bad luck.
I took a pic of my self a few days ago. Now I`m playing with it. Yeah...I`m playing with my selfie.
When someone says I love you over the phone and you don`t feel the same, just say `I love youtube` but say it really fast!
Is it just me or is waking up at 3am and trying to read a text message like looking directly into the sun?
I`m not funny, I`m just really mean and people think I`m joking.
I got so drunk last night I tried picking up every woman in the bar and now my back is killing me!
In retrospect, I suppose "harder" wasn`t the best choice of a safe word.
Admit it, you`ve answered Dora at least once in your life.
Is it yoga if you wear sweatpants all day and then hunch over the garbage can as you eat a burrito?
They say dolphins are the second smartest animal after humans, but I`ve never seen a dolphin with a face tattoo.
I did a terrible job preparing for my Blue Man Group audition and boy is my face red