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More food should come with prizes inside it.
my wish for tonight is for the person reading this status to have a Good Night!
Sorry I`m late... I accidentally pulled the chain on the ceiling fan one too many times for like 9 hours straight.
Karma has no menu. You get served what you deserve.
Friends are like snowflakes.... if you pee on them they disappear.
If I throw a stick will you leave?
sometimes... late at night... i rearrange traffic signs. people need to be challenged.
If you have trouble getting your children`s attention, just sit down and look comfortable.
May the bridges I burn light the path in front of me...
Threw my back out today reaching for the shampoo in the shower. But I`ll be telling everyone it`s from having sex while skydiving.
I feel sorry for people who don`t have dogs. I hear they have to pick up food they drop on the floor.
If he remembers your eye color after the first date, then you probably have small boobs
I think they put less beers in twelve packs these days.
Due to no supervision and sheer lack of self control; I sincerely with GREAT guilt! Here now inform you. I ate your banana split
I dont think I could ever stab someone.. I barely can get the straw into a Capri Sun.