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You can never read a doctor`s prescription, but you can sure read his bill
They say a woman’s work is never done. Maybe that’s why they get paid less.
"Please don`t put a million dumb photos of me on your Facebook... it just annoys your friends" - Every baby
Bigger isn`t always better. Thighs, for example.
My life is just one long improvisation.
Studies show that 99% of Dans are not "the man."
Much of my life is a contest to see which of the voices in my head can say the funniest stuff.
A new study suggests that a future study will completely contradict this study.
Talk is cheap, until you hire a lawyer.
That moment when I try and be helpful to a blind man getting off the bus by saying, "watch your step"
They say a dog park is a great place to pick up girls. I don`t have a dog so I am walking around with a bag of poop so I won`t look weird.
Taken names of employees from various stores and calling in sick for them, just to make it feel like I have a job. . .
A lot of people don`t know this, but you can quietly like or dislike Obama.
Guys be like, "Lets play 21 question." Girl: Ok, what`s your favorite color? Boy: Triangle, so you a virgin?
When I see someone yawn, I yawn. I wish it was the same with exercising....