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I f*cking hate you. Hope that clears things up.
My face hurts from pretending to like you.
Do handjobs from girls who speak sign language count as blowjobs
Pool party at my house, bring ur own pool..
If you`re sick and tired of every Asshole on Facebook asking you to copy and paste stuff as your status, please copy and paste this as your status.
The only thing alcohol can`t cure is alcoholism.
Asking a girl what exactly she looks for in a guy is like asking her "what exactly do I have to do to get friendzoned?
I`m beginning to think that my destiny in life is just to be a bad example that other people can learn from.
I saw some footage of some polar bears drinking water today. It’s obviously fake. Everybody knows they only drink Coca-Cola.
The best curve on a woman is her smile :) ...Hahahaha lmao! No I`m kidding, it`s her boobs.
Remember when waking up early on Saturday mornings involved cartoons and not untagging photos on Facebook?
A pretty important part of being a dad is waiting in the car.
I don`t know exactly who`s health I`m drinking to, but they`re going to be immortal at this rate
You call them ‘naps’ but I prefer to call them ‘alcohol-induced aftershocks`
My plans for GTA 5: Beat the crap outta people, Steal a cops gun, Jack a convertible, Rob a bank, Jump off a building, Go to GameStop, Buy GTA 5