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How weird was the first robber to wear pantyhose on his face
Got a problem with me? I’m pretty sure a status on Facebook won’t fix it.
I make way more decisions than I should based on the battery life of my phone.
So my friend is mad at me because I slept with her ex. Her instructions were very clear when they broke up, she said "F*ck that guy!"
Men hang out in bars for one of two reasons: Either they have no wife to go home to, or they do
is frickin awesome! Nough Said.
I was getting really depressed today but then I realized double cheeseburgers exist
If I throw a stick will you leave?
The worst thing about rich people is I`m not one of them.
I know the voices aren`t real, but man do they come up with some great ideas.
When your boss says "You need help", he never means a hitman.
If you lose a tooth as an adult, the tooth fairy gives you a trailer.
Serious question: Are doctors sure erectile dysfunction isn`t just a side effect of being married & bangin the same woman for years & years?
I love the gym this time of year. The newbies make me look like a Victoria Secret model.
I`ve finally stopped drinking for good ... And I`ve started drinking for evil.