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People will do odd things to get even.
Being a fat guy at McDonald`s is like being the muscle guy at the gym. People stay out of your way cause they know you mean business
Accidentally took a women`s multi vitamin & I`ve been trying to get dressed for the past 3 hours, but everything is making me look fat.
My life is about as organized as the $5 DVD bin at Wal-mart.
My favorite sexual position is pretty much any of them. I`m just glad to be involved.
Why is it when you run into a spider web, you suddenly turn into a ninja?
Can you imagine how sexy I`d be if I ate right and took care of my body... I`m not going to, but can you imagine
If I were to give up Sarcasm, that would leave interpretive dance as my only means of communication.
I just had a call from a Charity asking me to donate some of my clothes to the starving people throughout the world. I told them to F off!! Anybody who fits into my clothes isn`t starving!!
Ghetto word of the day: "Bishop", My girlfriend fell down, So I picked that bishop.
Weekends r like d salary.. It takes a lot to get thr, & whn it finally does, it`s over in no time ;) - aa
My ex said he would die for me. All I`m saying is, it was his suggestion.
So does screaming at my son in Chuck E. Cheese because he won`t share his game tokens with me make me an evil person? Just kidding! I have no clue whose kid this is.
I thought we had something. You met my family, made me dinner, called me honey. Now suddenly you’re a “waitress” who was “doing her job?”
Why do people walk by and say "Hi, how are you?" but they don`t stop long enough for you to reply!