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How do you know you`re old? ... Check your glove box for paper maps ...
With sufficient thrust, pigs fly just fine.
My new years resolution was to lose 30 pounds by the end of summer. I`ve only got 40 pounds to go.
It’s a strange moment, when you realize that the sound of nature is the sound of millions of animals, birds, and insects desperately trying to get laid.
These police take Hide and Seek really seriously.
If you want a successful relationship, find someone who likes the same thermostat setting that you do.
Don`t worry, some people are their own punishment in life.
I know there are some people we say were dropped on their heads as babies. But there are others that were clearly thrown in the air, hit the ceiling fan, bounced off the wall & fell out the window.
The bright side of getting attacked by a Cyclops is only having to use half the pepper spray.
Chip clips are for quitters.
I saw my ex getting beaten up by half a dozen thugs. For a second, I thought, "Should I help?" Then I thought, "No...6 should be enough."
If McDonald´s sold hot dogs, could u, with a straight face, order a McWeiner & tell them 2 super size it?
I look forward to paying off all my debt so I can get back to just being broke
Be nice to a nerd. Prevent a supervillain.
I don`t like people who hate certain group of people. But I get along very well with people who hate everybody equally.