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Someone cut in front of me in the salad bar line today. I didn`t do anything because anyone who wants a salad that badly terrifies me.
You can pretty much text anything as long as you put a happy face emoticon afterwards. You`re a slut :)
why are the foods you want eat late at night in loud crackling wrappers?
Procrastination comes to those who wait.
Most people don`t think I`m as old as I am until they hear me stand up.
There are no problems which cannot be solved through suitable applications of high explosives.
Marriage. Because dodging your own family wasn`t enough.
when humans are in love they get butterflys...dose that mean when butterflys are in love they get humans!! :)
I don`t normally poop with the door open, but I don`t want to miss the in flight movie
I`m working harder than an ugly stripper!!
I`m always amazed that when tragedy strikes how quickly people on Facebook become experts on the subject no matter what it is.
Try trick or treating in spandex... I`ve seen how much it can hold.
My idea of drinking responsibly is using a coaster.
The person next to me just farted.. Does this mean my lungs are full of his poo particles -.-
My doctor told me to eat more bacon cheeseburgers. Well, what he technically said was to eat "less pizza", but I`m pretty sure I know what he meant.