Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I miss being able to use the excuse "I wasn`t home when you called."
When i am bored, i like parking along side the xpressway stick a hair dryer out the window, and watch everyone slam on their brakes.
I worry about people who write "taken" in their bios. Where did they go? Who took them? Why aren`t we helping to find them?
Facial recognition software can pick out a person in a crowd, but this stupid vending machine at work can`t recognize my dollar bill with a bent corner...
Perverts can contribute to society. Look at the disturbed individual who discovered cow`s milk.
If you surround yourself with people funny enough to make you laugh till your abs hurt, you’ll never have to work out!
Some people, even in photos, just look like they smell horrible.
My left buttcheek fell asleep. I`m Half-a$$ing everything I do for the next ten minutes.
why would you go outside? that`s where bugs live
Grant me the courage to change the things I can, the serenity to accept the things I cannot, and a big-a$$ed pitcher of margaritas as “Plan B”
We should start seeing Valentine`s Day crap in the stores any minute now.
I feel bad for the photons that travel 93 million miles from the sun and then have to bounce off your stupid face.
What`s the hold up on making extremely heavy shoes for toddlers so they can`t run around so much?
Just when I think I`m over my insomnia the car behind me honks.
Do a little dance, make a little love, pay child support.