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I like surprises. Not the `finger in my a$$ without permission` kind, but flowers are always nice.
One time I asked some girl what she was thinking. By the time she finished her thought we had 2 children.
Every Scooby-Doo episode would literally be two minutes long if the gang went to the mask store first and asked a few questions.
It`s possible you drank too much if you have to wait until your court appearance to find out what the hell happened that night
It`s scientifically proven the more you shut up then the less likely I am to punch you in the face.
the kids next door have challenged me to a water balloon fight. just updating my status while waiting on the water to boil.
If you can say "I made six figures last year," you either have a well paying job or you`re the worst employee at a toy factory
I think today I`m going to cut off the sleeves of my snuggie and walk around the neighborhood pretending I`m in a Clint Eastwood western movie.
Is it considered rude to ask your boss if it hurt when the house fell on her in The Wizard of Oz?
Ugly is such an ugly word. If I must describe an ugly person I´d prefer to use the term "handsomely-challenged"
In order to get my teenagers attention I shut off the WiFi router and wait for them in the room it`s in.
God gives us only what we can handle... Apparently God thinks I am a bad-ass.
You seem to have a good grip on reality. You`re new here, aren`t you?
Knowledge is power, and power corrupts. So study hard and be evil.
When I see someone yawn, I yawn. I wish it was the same with exercising....