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I`m sure the fellow below don`t have big feet :(
When people said they sleep like a baby, it`s because they do not have one.
The 5 second rule for food dropped on the ground does not work if you have a 2 second dog.
Instead of cleaning my house I just watch an episode of hoarders and think " Wow my house looks great"
Consumer confidence is at an all time high, and so am I.
Somewhere, a smart Lasik surgeon has an office full of brochures that are all slightly out of focus and a recovery room where they have clear print.
My internet goes out more than I do.
Can Walmart be a feeling? I think that`s how I feel today.
I don’t really forgive people I just pretend like it`s okay and wait for my opportunity to destroy them.
I hate sharing popcorn with someone at the cinema and our fingers touch. Especially if I don`t know them, and they don`t know we`re sharing.
I’ve realized I get ridiculously nervous driving behind semi’s or trucks carrying sh!t that could fall out and impale me all because of final destination 2.
Love your neighbor, but don`t get caught...
Today`s brilliant idea: Slim Fast beer.
When people ask me for advice, I tell them, “Use your best judgment,” which they clearly don’t have if they are asking me for advice.
I`m going to stop off at the fabric store before my next status to get some new material!