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So many rules; so little time to break them.
Accidentally bought a bag of raw almonds. Turns out I don`t like almonds, I like salt.
"They Dared Me To" should be a legitimate excuse in a Court of Law.
Sneaking alcohol into work is pretty easy if you put it in your stomach first.
Sorry I yelled "April Fool`s" while you were proposing to your girlfriend.
I like you as a friend. Well, more like as a friend of a friend.
Don`t get me started Bitches, I don`t come with brakes.
Candy canes are the perfect treat. They are minty & put you into the holiday spirit & can easily be fashioned into a shank.
"Grapey." -me after every wine at the wine-tasting
I`m dreaming of a white Christmas. But if the white runs out I`ll pop open the red and drink that.
There`s a lot of perks being a single parent, for one no witnesses.
Is food porn star a thing yet??
I bought 2 fish and named one, “one” and the other “two”, so when “one” dies I will still have “two”.
What is this World Cup and can I drink from it?
How many Weight Watcher points are in an entire bottle of wine?