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We had a power outage last week and my PC, TV and games console shut down immediately, so I had to talk to my family for a few hours. They seem like nice people.
The cat seems really pissed off. He must have only had 22 hours sleep.
Iām eating just in case I get hungry later
I wish my car was fueled by my lack of desire to go to work.
Why does Flo from Progressive needs to have an apron on to sell insurance. Is there something dirty about insurance we should know about?
My goal this weekend is to move just enough each day so that no one pokes me to see if I`m dead
The secret to a successful lemonade stand is vodka.
When someone yells stop, I don`t know if it`s in the name of love, it`s hammer time, or if I should collaborate and listen.
Facebook becomes 100 times more entertaining when you have work to do.
Just bought an exercise bike today because my treadmill works fine for laying my pants on, but it won`t accommodate hanging shirts on hangers.
You seem to be very educated on the things you make up.
I met a guy exactly like my father so I brought him home and my mom shot him.
I just hope people who say "Jesus is my co-pilot" realize he`s a 1st century carpenter with no time in a flight simulator.
I really have to stop using this little microphone on my phone that types whatever you say as it keeps making mistakes punctuation point
I was named after my father. I don`t really like the name "Dad" though.