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I don`t necessarily enjoy being the bad influence...but hey, somebody has to do it!
I miss being the age when I thought I would have my sh!t together by the age I am now.
Babysitters are just teenagers who behave like adults so that adults can go out and behave like teenagers.
Stumbled into bed late last night. "You`re drunk," she said. "AND, you live next door."
Had a nice, relaxing weekend. I now have ample energy to hate Monday and most of Tuesday.
its not the up`s and down`s that bring you down...its the jerks!!
The human race is the only one that lets its idiots live a full life...
If a lesbian c*ckblocks another lesbian, is that considered a beaver dam?
It was the best of times, it was the worst of times. -Me with beer, me without beer
Someone invited me to their dog`s birthday party on Saturday. What a freak! I am NOT coming to your dog`s birthday party! Besides, my cat is getting married that weekend!
Work is one long game of back and forth emails with cleverly disguised f*ck you`s.
Some people live life in the fast lane. You’re in oncoming traffic.
Keep the dream alive, hit the snooze button.
Hold on I`m about to count my money. Alright I`m done.
Why can`t things be simple like they use to be? I show you a bug I found, we share a snack pack, and then you`re my girlfriend.