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It’s a good thing not everyone has a smartphone. Someone has to honk when the light turns green.
If sex is said to be the best exercise, than why are there no fitness clubs for that. Now there`s idea. . .
Most advanced telescopes use mirrors so we really have no way to know how many vampires are in space
Don`t ``Wine and dine`` me ... ``Champagne`` me ... step it up a notch
You just dont know how dumb you are until you get a little smarter
likes to end all my phone calls with "Ok, I`ll see you later on at the party!" and then quickly hang up. Let them figure it out.
If you were home alone in the middle of the night, and you heard a fart, would you laugh or be scared.
Lying about my age is easier now that I have trouble remembering what it is.
Everything happens for a reason. Sometimes that reason is that you’re a terrible person and had it coming.
If anyone ever tells you your dreams are silly, remember there`s a millionaire walking around that invented the pool noodle.
I dont pay for cabs if I’m too drunk to drive. I find the nearest Dominos, order a pizza delivery to my house & ask for a ride home with it.
Maybe this comment wont be important for you guys here. Some of you will ignore it, most of yall wont bother to read and it`ll go unnoticed along with some others. maybe I`ll be criticized for this but I just want to let yall know I`m selling potatoes
A sheep spends it`s entire life fearing the wolf only to be eaten by the Shepherd.
You can not force anyone to love you ... The best you can do is stalk them and hope they give in :)
Boobs make me forget about all the bad things in the world.