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It`s the simple things that make me laugh....mostly you.
My favorite part of the day? The food part.
Now that my kids are getting older, I`m worried I`ll never have the opportunity to leave my wife for the nanny.
The first rule of Right Club is that your wife is the only member of Right Club
When in doubt, take a nap.
Do you ever just sit there and think “why am I not rich”?
Don`t you hate it when someone answers their own questions? I do.
Don’t get me wrong. I totally hear what you’re saying…I just don’t care.
just wanted to tell the weekend that I love you and I will be back, I will not let the weekdays take me away from you.
If I pretend to be dead will you stop talking?
Everything is legal when the cops aren`t around.
Nobody wished me a happy birthday today, which isn´t surprising really, since it isn´t my birthday.
Whenever I hear "let me tell you the truth", I secretly cross my fingers, hoping they say "brownies are healthy, eat as many as you want."
Can you imagine if Facebook and Twitter just decided to shut down and you see all these confused people coming out of their house squinting at the sun.
Things I`m confused by: how did Rub a Dub Dub, Three Men in a Tub become a nursery rhyme?