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I am trying my very best to get into the holiday spirit but I cant open the damn bottle.
Hating everything saves countless hours of decision making.
You`d think Pizza Hut would be able to upgrade to a house by now.
Still hoping that one day I get to ride a kayak while it’s strapped to the top of someone’s car.
That awkward moment when you open a fortune cookie and all you get is some vague, cryptic statement that`s not even a fortune.
I will die on a white floor just to mess with the chalk outline guy.
If your dog loves hanging his head out the window of the car as you are driving, but growls when you blow in his face, you may need a breath mint.
"The Twilight Zone" makes me long for the days when you could smoke on a spaceship.
It`s ok, ghosts, no-one believes in me either.
Anyone notice the irony behind “hyphenated” and “non-hyphenated”?
I Hope I can make it through another season of disagreement over the pronunciation of pecan.
I didn`t fall. The floor just needed a hug.
I have discovered that theirs no popcorn in popcorn chicken. I guess there`s no point in bothering with hash browns then.
I’m always in a rush to get home so I can do absolutely nothing.
Expect nothing and you`ll be impressed every day.