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My neck, My back, My Netflix and my snacks...
I’m a really down to earth guy because, you know, gravity.
I like the part of the day when food happens.
is tring to fool people into thinking I have a social life by going offline from Facebook for a few hours.
The most misinformed people think they know all the facts.
When I die I want my body donated to science, but more specifically a scientist who is working on bringing dead guys back to life…
The best part about a vacation to England is that my wife won`t need to adjust her driving.
I don`t want to set the world on fire........just you.
Sometimes you can just tell it`s going to be a "Does not play well with others" kind of day.
My wife and I decided not to have kids. The kids are taking it pretty hard.
The ultimate home security system is having shitty stuff.
Last night I was drunk and asked a cat if it could talk. It said, “Me? How?”
If it`s true that spiders are more scared of me than I am of them, why have I never seen a spider crawl away screaming like a little girl?
I do what I want, when I want, where I want.. if my mom says its ok. :)
If you love something, set it free. Maybe not dogs with rabies though. Or killer bees or pretty much any domesticated animal into the wild. Lots of stuff really. Look, the point is don`t love anything.