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Nipples: Nature`s thermometer.
I`m so sick and tired of my friends who can`t handle their alcohol. The other night they dropped me 3 times while carrying me to the car.
There are only two types of honest people in this world, small children and drunk people.
I don`t necessarily enjoy being the bad influence...but hey, somebody has to do it!
The problem with working from home is the absence of sexual harassment.
I’m actually not funny. I’m just really mean & people think I’m joking.
The fact that jellyfish have survived for 650 million years despite not having brains is great news for stupid people.
I’m starting to think we as a society may be trying to do too much with the Dorito.
Its national shave your... Well, tomorrow is valentine`s day. Just an FYI.
According to my current parking spot, I`m Chief of Police.
Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, Acceptance… The five stages of waking up.
Is it rude to put *vomits* under someone`s post ?
Within 2 minutes, I can gather enough things to allow me to sit and watch tv without getting up for at least 4 hours... Don`t question my laziness
Some people walk into your life and leave footprints on your heart. Some people walk into life and make you want to leave footprints on their face
For once I would like to see a horoscope that says, "You`re totally f*cked this month"