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Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!

I`m not saying I`m lazy, but someone wrote "wash me" on my car so I just wrote back "nah"
I am trying my very best to get into the holiday spirit but I cant open the damn bottle.
PRINCIPAL: are you the new english teacher? TEACHER: yes i are.
I`m an outdoorsy kind of guy, I like to drink beer outdoors
Some women need to realize that showing cleavage doesn`t fix your face.
Having sex in an elevator is wrong on so many levels. LOL. But on the up side, it is fun!! ;)
Children fill a void in your life that you never knew existed. And promptly destroy everything else.
I`d like to be poor for a day, because being poor everyday gets to be real annoying after awhile.
Ever drink so much your wife makes sense? Me neither...But I keep trying
For my next trick, I’ll turn this 12 pack of beer into drunk dialing/texting.
Do I misuse contractions? Yes, but it`s what it`s.
Christmas is truly a magical time. It`s made all my money disappear!
What`s the hold up on making extremely heavy shoes for toddlers so they can`t run around so much?
I have a tattoo of a gigantic bruise on my left ankle in case anyone ever asks me to go hiking. Or help them move.
every woman iz beautuful n her unique way, smtimz it needs sm amount of alcohol to see with