Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
My fella asked me to name all my sexual partners. I took a couple of minutes to list them and eventually got to him. Should of stopped there
How weird was the first robber to wear pantyhose on his face
Turbo tax might just be the worst video game I ever played.
I just peed so hard that I laughed a little.
Life isn`t a fairy tale. If you lose your shoe at midnight, chances are you are going to walk home barefoot.
My greatest talent is being able to watch 5 years worth of a TV shows in one week.
I ate too much salad over the weekend so I`m going on an Oreo cleanse today.
Look, all I`m saying is if you didnt want me to take my clothes off and do an interpretive dance you should have turned off Michael Jacksons "man in the mirror".
Of course I plan to seize the day ... Eventually.
I try to avoid trouble but I think it likes me.
Bowling is my favorite sport because you don`t have to run and there`s beer five feet away.
Love is... saving money to buy her shoes!
Wouldn`t it be great if we could put ourselves in the dryer for 10 mins and come out wrinkle free and 2 sizes smaller...
If you want to take a bank teller out on a date, just ask her. Don`t slip her a note at the window. Trust me on this.
Everybody reaches a point in their lives when they die.