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"You only live once. LOL JK!" ~ the cat
It`s been few days since I heard from the voices in my head, I think it`s the calm before the storm. Some big sh!t is gonna go down!!
The recipe said “Set the oven to 180 degrees,” so I did, but now I can’t open it because the door faces the wall.
Wow.. I didn`t know spandex could hold that much.
Note to self: When sending Valentines messages don`t use group text next year.
Why can’t they make the whole week out of Saturdays?
Just had workplace violence training. It`s like HR doesn`t even care about the first rule of fight club.
Girls here is an idea.. instead of spending that much money on make up just buy your guy a bottle of Jack Daniels.
If u think I talk to much, just let me know. We can talk about it!
I just spent an hour at the gym. I couldn’t find a close enough parking spot so I left.
Even when I change my mind, it still doesn`t work any better.
If you loose a tooth as an adult, the tooth fairy gives you a trailer.
There are 2 kinds of people I can’t stand: Nosy people, and people who won’t tell me what in the hell is going on.
My mom told me to follow my dreams. So I took a nap.
My wife can suffer in silence louder than anyone I know.