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If running away from my problems counts as exercise then yes, I work out a lot.
Puttin the `eff it` in efficient today.
Pretend it`s a beer pretend it`s a beer pretend it`s a beer pretend it`s a beer pretend it`s a beer.....me trying not to drop a child
Describe myself in three words ... 1. Lazy
Sometimes I just wish people were as easy to forget as PIN numbers.
When the hostess at the restaurant says “table for 2?” I always like to look surprised and whisper “you can see her too?”
You can tell a man`s age by how close their socks are to their knees.
The problem with the girl of my dreams is that she’s never around when I’m awake.
My brain has too many tabs open.
It`s really difficult to find what you want on eBay. I was searching for cigarette lighters and found over 15,000 matches...
So apparently putting Alkaseltzer in my pocket while I`m getting baptized and pretending I`m the devil is not funny.
You ever notice that the number of extra steps a drunk takes getting home? ...its staggering!
To whoever said “fight fire with fire”: do you actually test your own advice before giving it?
I like to skip when I`m carrying my flamethrower cause no one ever suspects a skipping girl of starting fires.