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If the planet is 4 billion plus yrs old. Is 2017 really the correct new year.
I’m sorry, your photo is so confusing. You’re gonna need to hashtag every detail of it for me so I can grasp what’s going on here.
My inner child is a drunken whore
I had hopes and dreams. Now I have vodka and Facebook.
My doctor says each piece of bacon takes 9 minutes off your life... If my math is right, I should`ve died in 1781...
Stages of beard length: 1.) sexy stubble 2.) sea captain beard 3.) prisoner of war beard 4.) homeless person beard 5.) wizard beard
How about a ceiling fan with brakes so I don`t have to stand there for 10 seconds wondering if I actually turned it off.
Look, all I`m saying is that the dinosaurs didn`t drink alcohol and look what happened to them.
I heard she was born naked!! That slut!
People often say laughter is the best medicine, but they neglect to mention that an overdose can cause one’s ass to fall off.
Tampon commercials create an unrealistic expectation of how much fun it is to be around menstruating women.
The differance between flirting and sexual harrassment ... If you`re attrative, it`s flirting.
I`ve totally cut carbs out of my diet. Until lunch.
I had a bit of a lazy day sitting in my underwear looking for jobs online. My boss was furious.
If we`re in a situation where I am the "voice of reason," then we are in a very very bad situation.