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The best nicknames are the ones people don`t know they have.
My mom put shredded carrots in our Jello, so don`t tell me about your rough childhood.
Before we start this relationship, I am going to need you to explain a few pics in your Facebook albums.
Instead of torturing people for getting information, why don’t they just get them really drunk?
2 can keep a secret if one of them is dead...
I went to a vegan restaurant once. Wait, no, that was just a florist.
It`s a recipe for disaster when your country has an obesity epidemic and a skinny jean fad.
Why are we still testing on animals when there are pedophiles in prison.
I think God created marriage so death wouldn`t come as such a disappointment.
If you respond to coworkers asking how your weekend was with turkey noises, they leave you alone.
I saw a cool bumper sticker on a back of a SUV . . . “Do you follow Jesus this close?”
My wife said we should try some role reversal in bed last night… So I said I had a headache.
How Big is Infinity?
A Whoopee cushion filled with gravy adds a hilarious new dimension to a rather tiresome practical joke.
Dear life, When I asked if my day could get worse it was a rhetorical question not a challenge.