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Life is too short to be angry and hold grudges. Just slap them in the face and move on!
The good thing about being 6' 6? is that if I develop a bald patch, no one will see it..Unless you’re using Google Earth.
Oh I thought it was wait 30 YEARS after eating before you exercise.
Don’t get your panties in a bunch. The nicer ones are sold individually.
My head says go to the gym. My heart says food.
I ordered a pizza when my wife went into labor. Thad ad said, "buy a pizza, and get free delivery.
If the universe didn`t want me to eat four pop-tarts for breakfast I wouldn`t have four slots on my toaster...
Mister Rogers didn’t adequately prepare me for the people in my neighborhood.
Lies I`ll never stop telling: 1. I`d never put you in a home, mom. 2. It`s 6 inches long. 3. I have no idea how the PC got a virus.
Im switching some friends from my Facebook account to my Fakebook account.
I hate when people passive-aggressively post vague, indirect statuses. You know who you are...
I don`t go on Facebook much so Dave, if you`re seeing this, thanks for the invite to your 2007 New Year`s party, hope you had fun dude.
Wesley Snipes was released from prison this week. Now he can finally begin filming "Blade 4: Twilight."
You know that look women get when they want sex ? ..........me neither.
I wonder who the first person was to see an egg come out of a chickens butt and think...`That looks tasty, I`m gonna eat that.`