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The best thing about telepathy is…I know, right?
so I got really drunk last night, but I was good and took a bus home. the only problem I have now is I dont remember where I put the keys to the bus.
"It`s cold!", "Happy birthday!", "I`m so blessed", "Political rant!"... There, now you don`t have to go to Facebook today. You`re welcome.
If things always went according to a plan…. life wouldn’t be interesting.
If you were a Pokemon, I`d choose you.
I`m certain that the reason for Wasps, Hornets, and Yellowjackets was to remind grown men that they can still scream like a little girl.
My New Years resolution is always don’t die. So far so good.
You think your wife is crazy now? Try divorcing her
My wrinkles are all from laughter. Except those between my eyebrows. Those are my `WTF` lines and those things are deep.
I`m starting to doubt that all of the people in this singing group are called Carol.
I may not be the smartest guy in the world, or the richest guy in the world, or the best looking guy in the world, but.... Oh, hell. Now I`m depressed.
Dear Fox news,I have yet to see any news about foxes. Sincerely, disappointed viewer.
You know it’s a really good bar when there’s a couple outside breaking up.
Running behind is my cardio.
This isn`t a bakery. We don`t sugarcoat sh!t