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I heard lots of bongo noises coming from my loft last night. It sounded very Drum Attic.
Kinda bummed that every Christmas for the last 12 years, I`ve been way too drunk to remember all the good times and the laughter we shared. Well, I leaned my lesson. It`s time to get my act together for the family. This Christmas, I`m hiring a cameraman.
Attention...my facebook page has been hacked. But everyone seems to like the new guy better, me too actually...so fvck it!
Hey ladies, I just love "Austrailian" kissing...it`s a lot like "French" kissing only Down Under!
Hardest question in a relationship, "What do you feel like eating?"
I`m easily influenced... That`s why I try not to watch too much porn
My therapist says I should quit talking to myself.
I get in this weird mood where I don’t want to talk to anybody and just want to be left alone. I call this mood ‘Awake’
My business card is just a picture of me looking inside the fridge.
When girls flash its called, "girls gone wild" when men flash its call ... "America`s most wanted"
The self-driving car should have an "I`m Feeling Lucky" button that drives you to a random location.
My neighbors listen to AC/DC at 6:00 every morning. Whether they like it or not...
May your neighbors respect you, troubles neglect you, angels protect you and heaven accept you.
Wanna have a little fun? Post "Anyone know a good lawyer?" Then sit back and watch the speculation run wild!
Why is it Donald Duck never wore pants but always had a towel wrapped around his waist when he got out of the shower?