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I plan on getting "sidewalk nap" drunk tonight.
Found out today that you`re supposed to urinate on a jellyfish sting, NOT a jelly stain. Sorry, strange lady at the Waffle House. Just trying to help...
My coworker`s inspire me to drink on the job.
Lake Superior really needs to lose the attitude.
On the bright side, all that coal will keep me warm this winter.
I don`t get personal trainers. I`ve never been exercising and thought "man, I wish someone hot was criticizing me right now."
When you screw up, menopause can be a wonderful excuse for stupid things you do or say!!!
Everybody stop what you`re doing and play with crayons! You`re wlecome, enjoy the day.
I only like clicky pens when I am the clicker.
When I`m in an elevator with a stranger I generally hold their hand to let them know that they`re safe
I was called a sexist today ... I said, I think you`re mistaken ...its pronounced sexy
If women would start naming their periods like hurricanes it would be alot easier for us men to remember which argument you are referring to.
Silence is Golden, but telling some people to go f*ck themselves is PRICELESS...!
My New Years Eve = Hangover 4
I bet when spiders see those fake green cob webs on Halloween they must be like "Ugh, tourists".