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Ha = I didn`t find that funny. Haha = That was funny. Hahahahaha = I want to sleep with you.
With all the technology these days, you`d think they would come up with an Online Gym where losing weight would be a click away
I can`t believe that it`s almost the year 2014 and I still have to bend down to pick stuff up.
My dog is worried about the economy because Alpo is up to $3.00 a can. That’s almost $21.00 in dog money.
Don’t ask me again” is my favorite computer button that I wish was also a real life button.
The number one reason why trick or treating is better than sex is, you can do the whole neighborhood.
My screensaver is a screenshot of a bunch of spreadsheets so my boss doesn’t notice when I haven’t moved my mouse in an hour.
You don`t have to be crazy to work here ... We`ll train you.
Magic words that make my children disappear: 1) Bath time. 2) Who did this?!?! 3) When I was your age...
If there is anything I learned from 80`s movies it`s that I`m the best around, and nothing is ever gonna keep me down
Finding a date on the internet is so much easier than real life because how are they supposed to know that`s not your Ferrari?
Today I caught myself smiling ... I was thinking of you ... Don´t flatter yourself though, it was because you had a booger in your nose the last time I saw you.
You know it`s getting bad when the voices in your head start texting you
Ever since I installed AdBlock, all the single ladies in my area seemed to have lost interest.
"Hey bro shotgun this beer" No I don`t drink "You wanna be cool don`t you?" I don`t drink "C`mon NERD!" Grandma PLEASE stop