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Live each day like you’re marked for deletion.
So,do people in England speaks American now that people in America speaks English?
Insomnia sharpens your math skills because you spend all night calculating how much sleep you`ll get if you`re able to "fall asleep right now."
When I think of you I touch myself ... On my temples ... You give me a migraine.
Are the unmarried employees at Kraft known as Kraft singles?
When people tell me that I’ve changed, I want to shake them and tell them: “And so should you!”
Love makes the world go round, but alcohol makes it go round twice as fast!
It was the best of times, it was the worst of times. -Me with beer, me without beer
I like superheroes but I`d rather hang out with the villains.
Note: the 5 second rule does not apply to soup.
The Roomba vacuum cleaner just beat me to a piece of popcorn I dropped on the floor & this is how the war against the machines begins.
The mailman just delivered an 8-track of Boz Skaggs Greatest Hits. I guess this fulfills my Columbia House obligation.
One day, long, long ago, there lived a woman who did not whine, nag, or complain. But it was a long time ago, and it was just for that one day.
If at first you don’t succeed, you shouldn’t diffuse bombs.
I like staying up insanely late but I also like getting 12 hours of sleep. See my dilemma?