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Nothing is impossible. I know a man that once guessed correctly why a woman was mad at him.
Does anyone know where the off switch on a child is? I can’t seem to find it.
My dog acts like his entire family was murdered by a vacuum cleaner.
I`m trying to be healthy and grow my own food but I can`t find any Twinkie seeds. :/
I don`t really understand why women are expected to be able to cook if they can give blowjobs.
This bulk box of peanuts I got from Costco tastes like styrofoam.
Whenever I start feeling spontaneous, my bank account quietly reminds me to calm down.
( )( ) =( `-` )= <( . )> ("`)("`) bunny!!
It`s not you, it`s me. I just don`t like myself when I`m around you.
is bored of being bored because being bored is boring.
If you tell me you`re giving something 110% then I’m assuming the extra 10% is your stupidity.
I just watched my dog chase his tail for 10 minutes and thought, "Wow, dogs are easily entertained." Then I realized I just watched my dog chase his tail for 10 minutes.
The cop said it was an outstanding warrant, dad! And you said I`d never amount to anything...
People who sit and talk while their pizza is gets cold gives me anxiety.
I don`t know what your problem is, but I`ll bet it`s hard to pronounce.