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Chicken salad with egg in it is my fave way to eat two generations.
Enough with the lies, people who drink decaf coffee, tell us what your game plan is.
I noticed you`re not yourself today. I really like it.
When fighting with a clown, always go for the juggler.
Yawning is our body`s way of saying 10% of battery remaining.
I would rather lie there and accept death than try to get out of a hammock while anyone is watching me.
Dishes are like boyfriends. My roommate should really stop doing mine
If you start smacking people with your wife`s purse she won`t ask you to hold it for her anymore
If you think about it, before the first mirror was invented, if you didn’t live near a body of water, you had no idea what you looked like.
Women use sex to get stuff, men lose stuff because of sex.
I need to stop lying to myself ... This bag of Reese cups will never make it to Halloween
Braille dictionary for sale. Must see to appreciate.
I always scratch off the "Plus One" option on wedding invitations are replace it with "Drinking for two"
I`m trying to be healthy and grow my own food but I can`t find any Twinkie seeds.
BREAKING NEWS: Baby found in the middle of the Meteorite crash site,,, he is miraculously unharmed... Wrapped in what seems to be a red cape.