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Funny how 8 glasses of water a day seems impossible, but 8 beers a day seems so easy
If your dog weighs less than 10lbs, it`s technically a cat
Is a rivalry between two vegetarians still called a beef?
Iām gonna have to get new pets, Iām running out of passwords.
I read an actual newspaper today! For those of you who don`t understand, a newspaper is like the Internet but made of paper.
Some mornings it`s best just to fill the sink with coffee, dunk you head in, and suck.
I hate it when my kid starts crying in the middle of the night and I have to get up to close the bedroom door.
My insomnia is getting worse. I was wide awake all day at work yesterday.
The roof of the McDonalds in my town has 38 Pickle slices on it from times I ordered sh!t without pickles in it.
Women.Some men undermine, disrespect and consider them weak,forgeting the countless spanks they got from their mothers
The only reason any of us can spell laboratory is because of Dexter.
Ban pre-shredded cheese! Make America grate again.
Remembering to remember is always the first thing I forget.
Whoever named anteaters, solid effort right there.