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The Hobbit 2: we`ve still got a long way to walk
When the hostess at the restaurant says "table for 2?" I always like to look surprised and whisper "you can see him too?"
Why do restaurants always say "Shirt and Shoes Required" but never say anything about pants?
I love my car. Without it, I would not be where I am today.
I was so disturbed by hearing about all the people using marijuana today that I almost dropped my deep-fried Snickers bar into my 48oz Coke.
Sure, we can be friends. I get to be Chandler.
I liked you until you started ignoring me and then I loved you. -Girls ---- Bfanch
Someone’s therapist knows all about you.
At the young age of 5, a bear told me that I am the only person who can prevent forest fires. Why I was chosen, I`ll never know.
I always give waiters a tip, but they never seem to appreciate my advice.
When a man talks dirty to a woman it`s sexual harassment. When a woman talks dirty to a man it`s $3.95 per minute.
If anyone is looking for an unlicensed helicopter pilot give me a call. . .
Why do we only crave what`s bad for us? Alcohol, deep fried food, sex with strangers. You never hear anyone say "I`d kill for some salad"
You ever think that maybe the reason geese are always honking is because they`re flying too close together?
Im really not just some idiot with nothing better to do with my time, I just play one in FB.