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The real danger of running with scissors is that a rock might fall on you.
I keep trying to avoid trouble but I think it likes me.
If you read your timeline backwards it is about a person who hates everything and gradually becomes happier until they get a life.
Ugh, I have an ingrown hair and it really hurts. This sounds like a job for medical marijuana.
my Dr. says i have ADHD, i dont know how they see.... oooooh a squirrel!
I hate it when 18 wheelers blow their horns while Im driving, that sh*t wakes me up!
Renewed my "Man Card" today, by going out in the cold, drizzly weather to cut firewood. In other news, police are investigating sightings of a chainsaw wielding maniac in the my area. I hope the catch that nut job!
I used to be a terrible flirt ... I am much better at it now.
Seems like we would be just fine with about half as many types of pasta
I`ve said it before and I`ll say it again, if you drive a Nissan but don`t call it Liam then what is even the point of you
It`s weird to think that these Forever Stamps will outlive me.
The existence of the `snooze` button tells you everything you ever need to know about the human race.
There are a lot of side effects to smoking weed. Like never shutting up about the fact that you smoke weed.
You think your wife is crazy now? Try divorcing her
Went to Walmart yesterday and bought me a new toilet brush, I think I am gonna go back to using paper, it is much more gentle on the netherlands........