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Apparently not checking the mail is not a valid excuse for not paying your bills. The more you know.
Just because leggings stretch dont mean yo 465 pound a$$ should be in them!
I yawn all day at work & school. But when it comes to at night, I’m not tired at all.
If there`s one thing I`ve learned hiking, it`s the early bird gets the face full of spider webs
There must be an easier way to transport long poles across canyons other than walking across a tightrope carrying one pole at a time.
My cat’s gonna be homeless unless he comes up with something funny to post on YouTube.
Shopping for bridesmaid dresses with 5 other women, today. If you never hear from me again, I committed suicide by nail file.
BESTFRIEND: the one you can get mad at only for a short period because you have important stuff to tell them.
The guy blaring the self help CD at the red light in the rusted car with no bumpers wasn`t amused when I said, "I don`t think it`s working"
Golf ball sized hail wouldn`t be as destructive if we just made golf balls a lot smaller.
I am really thankful that I have a desk job. I could never get all my personal stuff done at home.
Shot my first turkey today...scared the crap out of everyone in the frozen food section. It was awesome!
A girl phoned me the other day and said “Come on over, there’s nobody home.” I went over. Nobody was home.
I never use the phrase, "Your guess is as good as mine" because, well... it`s not.
You know you`ve reached adulthood when your bed is in the middle of the wall instead of in the corner.