Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
To error is human, to forgive is divine, to keep your damn mouth shut is much appreciated.
I don`t ever need to go sky diving or bungee jumping. Leaving a pizza in the oven while I make a quick run to Walgreens is about all the adrenaline rush I can handle.
Mother mosquito: Hey kiddo, how was your first flight? kid mosquito: Great mom! Everyone was clapping for me.
Your day sucked, huh? I`m sure Facebook would love to hear about it.
When I was six, my dad threw me into the pool thinking I would instantly learn to swim. I probably would if it had water in it.
I bet strippers look forward to that feeling of getting home and wearing a bra after a long day at work.
This is my first status of 2017. Yeah, I thought it would be better too.
I live for those really small but special moments in life, like when I see the waiter bringing my food to the table.
I know that somewhere in the Universe exists my perfect soul mate, but looking for her is much more difficult than just staying at home and ordering another pizza.
Whoever invented grass must be a billionaire that stuff is everywhere
Life is all about tough decisions such as… Getting enough sleep or staying on the internet.
That awkward moment when you are killing it on Mario Kart & then realize you are looking at the wrong side of the screen.
We should be nicer to old people. When they walked uphill both ways in the snow they had to do it without an internet connection too.
You never know how many people you dislike until you have to name your child.
Did we try giving the government a snickers?