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I hate situations where I have to acknowledge the people I had been successfully ignoring.
My salad pic. got more likes than your selfie.
There is no such thing as a stupid question, but there are such things as stupid people who ask questions.
Whenever I hear the phrase `anything is possible`, I giggle and think about someone trying to slam a revolving door :)
I try to find the good in every situation. Wait. That was a typo. I meant “food.” I try to find the food in every situation.
I don`t need to go to church in order to feel ashamed of myself on Sunday morning.
Some things are better left unsaid, but I`m probably gonna get drunk and say them anyway.
I need professional help. A chef and a butler will do just fine.
Happy St. Patrick`s Day to the fool that gave up alcohol for Lent.
Settle down homemade play dough parents.
In grade school it’s called bullying but when you get older it’s referred to as upper level management.
Boobs are like model trains. They were originally for children but grown men always want to play with them.
The most exercise I get from my exercise ball is when I move it around in my apartment so that it`s not in my way.
Are you bored? Go to someone`s Facebook wall, Scroll down 4 months and like something.
I’m always disappointed when a liar’s pants don’t actually catch on fire.