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It`s the simple things that make me laugh....mostly you.
Women are fascinated by mythical creatures like unicorns, vampires, and men who are good listeners.
My age is very inappropriate for my behavior.
Highway to Hell is a great song because you can play it at both your wedding and your funeral.
Strangers are like birds. If you run at them screaming and waving your arms they will run away.
I`m great at spelling bees ... But hopless at spelling other words.
I go on dates just to remind myself that being single is awesome.
That moment when you wake up at 2 o`clock a.m and remember how crappy that after earth movie was and you go back to sleep immediately
I don’t know what it is but, it’s on sale.
One square left on the toilet roll and no extras in the cupboard. Well played, honey. Well played.
Keep reaching for the stars but get a better deodorant.
Being sick is your bodies way of saying “Hey, you really need to catch up on some TV”.
I`m on that “Starts tomorrow” diet.
Ignoring things don`t make them go away, it makes them drunk dial you.
Trivia - It turns out that Alexander the Great was not all that great. But in those days, nobody had the guts to call him Alexander the SO-SO