Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Another day where I`m not skinny, rich or famous. Getting real tired of this sh*t.
I don`t have the blood alcohol level to deal with you
"5 React 2 Gum-- Experiences may vary. Stimulate your senses!"-- Same effect as LSD, but chewier.
If you were home alone in the middle of the night, and you heard a fart, would you laugh or be scared.
When does paying taxes get shut down? Asking for everyone with a job.
She looks like the kind of girl that brings a suitcase on the first date.
I would like to be a Disney Princess...You know, where I have random animals showing up to help with the housework!
I`m gonna hang a Batman costume in my closet just to screw with myself when I get Alzheimer`s.
FACT: How kids feel about snow days is the exact opposite of how parents feel about snow days.
I`m tough and can take whatever life throws at me ... Especially if its dipped in chocolate first.
I read Facebook for the pictures.
All these women on the 48 dating sites I`ve joined, seem so f*cking sad and desperate.
Did you know? If you put your finger in your ear and scratch, it sounds like Packman!
Getting that beach body is easy. You just have to know where to dig.
Does anybody know how many toddlers you have to bring to `Toys For Tots` before you`re eligible for an Xbox?