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I need to re-home a dog. It’s a small terrier and tends to bark a lot. If your interested, let me know and I’ll jump over my neighbors fence and get it for you.
I like the part of the day when food happens.
A hospital is the only commercial establishment where the worse service they provide you, the more you`ll come back.
I put ALL my eggs in one basket at the grocery store.... Today..!!
Children: You spend the first 2 years of their life teaching them to walk and talk. Then you spend the next 16 years telling them to sit down and shut-up.
Once again I`ve woken up without super powers. Sigh
Jellyfish have survived here on Earth for 650 million years without brains. Great news for stupid people.
When things get to stressful I hit the jim.......... Beam.
Due To ObamaCare and the poor economy Holiday Cheer this year will be distributed in Shot Glasses...
It`s a bird.. it`s a plane..no wait..it`s a blade of grass....
Hangovers are nature`s way of grounding you as an adult.
Isn’t it funny how people that talk too much also have annoying voices?
Never go on a blind date with a friend! She was so big when i took her home she went to my backyard and started grazing.
I will vote for Donald Trump just to hear him tell Obama he`s fired!!
Whether a Vacuum is on or off, it`s always collecting dust.