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Ever been completely out of toilet paper that you send your kid next door to get some? Me neither, I just like to embarrass my kid.
Restaurant Advertisement: We serve food as HOT as your neighbour’s wife; And beer as COLD as your own. :)
I`m an outdoorsy kind of guy, I like to drink beer outdoors
Happy Elastic Waistband Day
If you had to choose between your girlfriend or GTA 5 which character would you play as first?
When I`m in an elevator with a stranger I generally hold their hand to let them know that they`re safe
Billion dollar idea: A phone that charges using body fat!
Never hire a color blind Bomb Technician.
I`m pretty sure there`s a chip in my car that turns all traffic lights RED...
FACT: 99.7% of guys named "Dan" are not actually "The Man".
I`d go to church if they had Wi-Fi.
Learning how to break wooden boards in karate is important in case you ever get in a fight with a house.
I’m not positive that having the TV volume on an odd number will destroy the world, but lets not risk it.
My biggest fear is that there is no PMS and this is my personality.
Irony is paying a therapist to listen to how you don’t like talking to other people.