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If you`re bored, wear a cape. Then you can be Super Bored
Apparently when a trainer asks you why you want to get in shape and you answer "revenge" it will raise a couple eyebrows.
I believe in equality. If we have five days of work, then we should have five day weekends as well.
Don`t act like your not impressed.
Life is like a box of chocolates and you`re on a diet so you can`t even enjoy it.
My doctor says each piece of bacon takes 9 minutes off your life... If my math is right, I should`ve died in 1781...
I don`t have to run faster than the lion, I just have to run faster than you.
Whenever there’s an awkward silence, try whispering, “Did you forget your line?”
Why non-smokers don`t take bubble blowing breaks is beyond me
Sometimes when it rains I go outside with a cocktail umbrella and pretend I`m a Giant.
I think that work and microwave minutes are longer than regular minutes.
I`m sorry. Putting up with your sh!t isn`t on my To-Do list today.
9 of 10 voices in my head telI me I `m crazy. One hums ...
Not sure if people stopped saying YOLO or if everyone who said it died.
The cashier at this self checkout is horrible.