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Hello 911? Do you think i`m pretty?
I hate it when people beg for likes, like if you agree?
Early to bed, early to rise makes a man healthy, wealthy and a crappy party host.
Someone once said that I should always treat other people how I would like to be treated. Now I`m facing sexual harassment charges.
The divorce rate is almost at 60%. How does Cupid keep his job with that level of failure?
I love it when the person’s laugh is funnier than the actual joke.
I don`t know if getting everything I want would make me happy, but the opposite is not working at all.
I think I just discovered Newton’s third law of Emotion: ..... "For every male action, there is an equal and opposite female overreaction."
Pretty nice opinion you got there. It`d be a shame if someone were to...not give a sh*t about it
I`m eating a vegan lunch today. Sure, it`s six sleeves of Smarties and a Diet Coke, but I`m still better than you.
Saw a bird sh*t on my car, so I ate scrambled eggs on my front step, just to show him what I`m capable of.
And Jesus said, those footprints on the beach where two sets become one, that`s where I unfollowed you.
Tried to borrow some bread from my Indian neighbour, but he said he had naan....
Isn`t it weird when a cop drives by you feel paranoid instead of protected.
At times I wish I had a clone, but then I realize, I could never live with that a$$hole.