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To error is human, to forgive is divine, to keep your damn mouth shut is much appreciated.
The irony of social media is that the majority of users are all alone.
Making everyone happy is impossible. But pissing them off is a piece of cake. I really like cake.
So no pizza place on Ninja Turtles ever questioned the delivery address being “The Sewer”
I need a hug right now also five hundred thousand dollars in cash.
Most people donate to the homeless. Me? I donate to the topless.
That "No alcohol beyond this point." sign might as well say "I bet you can´t chug that whole beer!"
At the young age of 5, a bear told me that I am the only person who can prevent forest fires. Why I was chosen, I`ll never know.
My level of sarcasm is to a point where I don’t even know if I’m kidding or not.
It`s not often you see a pink poo in your bowl & realize that not everything is edible from the sex shop
If your neighbor has wind chimes, you have wind chimes.
When dealing with women, you can either be right or get laid. You can`t have both.
I say the things better left unsaid.
Its so cold out, I actually saw a gangsta with his pants UP!
all joking aside, think how many babies might be created tonight on valentines day