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If you listen real closely, you can hear my alarm clock laughing as I set it.
I believe in magic because it`s the only way to explain how fitted sheets get folded.
Why does Sea World have a seafood restaurant? I`m halfway through my fish burger and I realize, Oh my God, I could be eating a slow learner...
Dear Friday, I`m ready !!!
My wife is going to the hair salon today so for the next few hours I will be practising my reaction.
I did responsible things all day so tonight will consist of nothing that even resembles responsibility.
The buses don`t go where you live do they.
wassup pips! :-) no i don`t mean you guys pip, get it? piping?? haaahaaa... looks like i`m the only one laughing right? well it sounded funnier in my head (-_-)
*Sees my name in a math textbook* class: *stares at me* me: "yeah b!tches I bought 60 watermelons"
Don’t judge me for things I did a few seconds ago, I’ve changed since then.
I dropped my affordable health care because I couldn`t afford it .
If I was a Chinese millionaire I would change my name to Cha Ching.
Good friends don’t let you do dumb things… alone.
gone fishing ¸.·´¯`·.¸><((((º>
Is there any way to really know how many camouflage shirts are in your house?