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When I said make yourself at home, I meant go wash my dishes.
If you borrow my laptop and the volume is at 16% go wash your hands immediately
Wow!!! Thank you guy on Facebook I went to high school with and haven`t spoken to in 14 years, you really changed my mind about this upcoming election....
Nothing says poor life choices like the guy with the half smoked cigarette behind his ear
thinks that decaffeinated coffee is just useless brown water.
The rare times my cat approaches me for affection, I run away and hide under the bed so she knows what that feels like.
I’ve been waiting 2 hours for an employee to come and wash my hands like the sign says….
I don`t know why people say life is short....this seems to be taking forever.
I plucked my first gray hair today ... Man, that lady was upset.
My swear jar has more money in it than my bank account.
I think my problem is that I have really fantastic bad ideas…
My buddy told me he was going to Beerfest this weekend, I asked him where, he said "any bar I walk into!!!"
Beautiful people are more beautiful when surrounded by ugly people
The only thing I have learned so far in this company meeting is that this room has 37 ceiling tiles and 24 fluorescent bulbs.
Well, well, well. Guess who the grocery store asked to come back soon.