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Life lesson: you never have to feel ashamed of anything you buy as long as you buy a birthday card at the same time
My family is missing that gene that tells you when trash cans are full.
Like this if you can’t think of a clever status either.
Learned today that it`s about 12 min after realizing there`s no TP in the stall that you ask yourself how important your socks really are.
Anyone else find it odd that on Star Trek, when they say "to boldly go where no one has gone before", when they get there, they always meet someone?
Smile. Your enemies hate it.
Blood moon, shooting stars....I gotta move to a safer galaxy
Evening news is where they begin with ‘Good evening’, and then proceed to tell you why it isn’t.
The only thing I`ve learned from scary movies is to avoid pale children
I make self-sabotage look like an art form.
It`s Saturday morning. My neighbor has mowed his lawn AND weeded his garden. I`ve spent ten minutes trying to reach the remote with my foot.
What sucks about those little hotel shampoo bottles is there`s no room for the directions so you kind of have to wing it.
Yes, I used to "dance like no one is watching"; at least until Google Earth sent me a certificate for ten free lessons.
Before I stalk someone, I follow them around for a while...Cause you know, what if they`re not worth it?
Paperclips: The staple for people with commitment issues.