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Ahhh another Monday at work...... I`m having as much fun as a colorblind person playing Twister!
Science is just a numbery way to explain magic.
I cant remember the last time i forgot something
Every time a clerk asks "Did you find everything you need?" I always answer "No, I couldn`t find a hug"
Still hoping that one day I get to ride a kayak while it’s strapped to the top of someone’s car.
I really just need a vodka cranberry and a slap on the a$$. Hold the cranberry.
Nicknames are way more fun when people don’t know they have them.
You can get super human strength when put in life or death situations. Last night I uncorked a bottle of wine with my teeth during a tantrum...
I`m so glad my face doesn’t have a progress bar that shows how long it takes me to understand what someone is saying.
If it weren`t for marriage,,, men would spend their lives thinking they had no faults at all.
Looks like you have a lot on your mind. Do you wanna drink about it?
If at first you don’t succeed, look in the trash for the instructions
Dear Autocorrect, She`s an amazing woman not an amazon woman. Thanks. And now I`m never getting laid.
Self checkout must have been invented by a guy who had to buy tampons.
I think a clear conscience is really just memory loss