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I shouldn`t have to work. People should just pay me for being awesome.
When in doubt, take a nap.
There`s no use worrying about things you can`t control. Except for bodily functions...Hopefully you can control THEM. :/
Long time ago I used to be young and handsome.. Today? Just handsome
Some people think I say inappropriate things...I perfer to think of it as being f*cking honest.
This company doesn`t know how much of an asset I am.. Or an ass-sit. They really should pay more attention.
It`s a good idea to test your immune system from time to time by eating a gas station hot dog
The average man thinks about sex every tits seconds
I’m not surprised you’re having problems I had a bad experience with your reality once too.
Scientists have yet to explain how 300 people can be working at a Wal-Mart but only 4 registers will be open.
Drinking doesn’t make me post better Facebook status updates; it just makes me not care what you think of them…
I don`t know what your problem is, but I`ll bet it`s hard to pronounce.
If Santa’s helper takes a picture in the mirror, is that an elfie?
Sure, I`ll show up at your Halloween Party... I`ll be coming as the invisible man....
One man`s LOL is another man`s WTF