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Lets face it we have all tried to get something done before the microwave timer goes off.
I`ve been holding my stomach in for 3 years now so don`t talk to me about dedication
My tombstone will read I should have googled it first.
I dream of a better world where chickens can cross the road and not have their motives questioned.
I`m not really much of a plumber, but I have laid some pipe before.
It makes sense that animals pee on something to mark their territory. I mean if someone peed on something, most people would be like, "Eww, okay. That`s yours now."
For $60, this printer ink had better be hand squeezed out of endangered squids.
I`m painting a blue square in my garden, so that Google Earth thinks I have a pool.
Two heads aren`t better than one if you`re both stupid.
No horror movie can surpass the sensation of touching your pockets and not feeling your cell phone.
I get very annoyed when people mix up there, they`re and their. From now on I`m going to point it out, weather they like it or not.
Due to an unforeseen error during last night`s love making session I am forced to wear non matching socks today
My best stories always end with the words ... "and then I got the hell out of there."
I hate being bipolar, it`s great .
If your online dating profile says "I don`t have sex on the first date" then that`s why you`re on a dating website.