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Has anyone ever seen a gorilla in the mist? Some of the local drivers struggle to see my car in perfect daylight conditions, so I doubt that they`d spot a Gorilla in limited visibility!!!!!
Before I had kids I never really reflected on life`s little mysteries. For example, why is my toothbrush under the couch?
Hummingbirds are just regular birds that can`t remember the lyrics.
So I`m giving up drinking. Hard liquor. On Wednesdays. In June. Next year. (Maybe.)
What if , one day you randomly wake up and realize that you`re whole life was just a dream.
For every idiot proof system devised, a new and improved idiot will arise to overcome it.
There`s nothing like hearing the laughter of a baby. Unless it`s 1AM and you`re home alone.
Based on the number of smoke breaks they take, Iām pretty sure the only reason my co-workers have a job is to pay for their cigarettes.
This post was going to be really funny but I didn`t write it down because I was totally sure I`d remember it.
Sometimes, my greatest accomplishment is just keeping my mouth shut.
Being in the friend zone is like being the guy in the band who plays that little triangle.
I put the PRO in inappropriate!
I don`t fear death... It happens to everyone. I just hope when I am dead and buried, I don`t vote Democrat.
"Oh my god, you`ve gotten so fat! Want me to make you something to eat?" - my mom
Today we salute Vodka~ruining family reunions and supporting hilarious `hold my drink` moments for 50 years...