Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Word on the street is... Lol. Jk. I don`t go outside.
“Over my dead body” doesn’t mean “no.” It means I get to do what I want and as a bonus I get to kill you.
The worlds gonna end in 5 days & I don`t know what I`m gonna wear.
im like the government: i spend money on things that aren`t important, and spend most of my time trying to explain to people why i need them.
Sorry, I can`t today ... My sister`s friend`s mother`s grandpa`s brother`s grandson`s cousin`s uncle`s fish died. Yes, it was tragic.
"Dancing with the Stars" is being canceled, but tune in to a new reality show by the same creators called, "Athletes do your Taxes."
Video games are cool because they let you experience fantastical power-fantasies. for example in The SIMS you have a job and a house.
How did the inventor of the clock know what time it was?
Your duty as a friend is to LIKE my Facebook posts even if they suck.
How come there`s never enough dirt to refill the hole even after you`ve put the body in? Asking for a friend
If you see a road sign that says "Survey Crew Ahead" they actually are not looking for your opinions ... I know that now.
received a call saying that my son had been lying in school, and was being expelled. I don´t have a son. That kid is one damn good liar.
Sometimes, the first step to forgiveness is understanding that the other person is an idiot.
You know who your true friends are when they call you at 3AM just to tell you they love you and that their drunk...
Just because I know I`m a "Good looking, extremely intelligent, funny as hell, sexy ass, Motherf#ker" doesn`t mean I`m "Conceited"...Im more like a "Realist", that just so happens to be very good with adjectives!...A "Bad-Ass Realist", that is!