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Why is it that whenever there`s two women in a profile pic, the hot one is always someone else..?
Have you noticed that tire stores never hang big banners that say "Blowout Sale"?
You might be addicted to Facebook if you read my post`s every day...
To this day, the boy that used to bully me at school still takes my lunch money. On the plus side, he makes great subway sandwiches.
I`m scared of the pesticides on this produce, so I guess I`ll run them under cold water for half a second
"Please don`t do this." - my voice mail greeting
There is no angry way to say `bubbles.`
I just bumped into my old headmistress who said how weird it is to see me all grown up now. Surely it would be weirder if I was still 9.
Say what you want about the porn industry. But they are hard workers.
I`d be the stripper that got fired for eating her way out of the cake instead of jumping out of it.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how likely is it that your dumbass will say 11?
I just ran a .003048K
I noticed you’re not yourself today. I really like it.
Sexual education classes in school should just be listening to a baby cry for 5 hours straight while watching the same cartoon on repeat.
I feel sorry for people who take everything way too seriously.