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For once I’d like to get kicked into a bar
If your dog takes a dump on your floor and you clean it up, who owns who??
Parents, forget about teaching your kids about the birds and the bees. Teach your kids the difference between their, they`re and there.
Life is a waste of time, time is a waste of life, get wasted all the time and have the time of your life!
I can`t wait to meet that special someone who will eventually ignore me.
Things that schools worry about Drugs 1% Graduating 1% drop outs 1% the inportance of using a number 2 pencil on standardized tests 97%
Why would you pay $80 for a bra at Victoria’s Secret when I can hold your boobs up all day for free.
I can`t believe I was late for work tomorrow..
The question isn’t who is going to let you; it’s who is going to stop you.
After much thought and careful consideration, I`ve decided not to do a damn thing today.
Why is it called "reading a book" and not paper view?
why were you in my dreams again? i`m starting to think you`re stalking me.
Stop, drop, and roll isn`t just an effective fire safety tip, but it is also an interesting way to get out of a boring conversation.
I wish that we lived in a world where a chicken could cross the road without getting its motives questioned.
The only thing worse than it raining after you wash your car is having to go poop after you get out of the shower.