Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Doing it wrong is the only thing I do right.
When one door closes and another door opens, you are probably in prison.
I like to respond to statuses with .. WOW, Someone needs a Happy Meal.
This skinny girl just told me she "forgets" to eat? Is that possible? I just licked her face in case it`s contagious.
I’m better at remembering people who have bad breath than important historical facts.
I`m so bored at work that I`m actually doing my job.
Why would you be scared to get Ebola? You haven`t left your couch since 2011.
Hedgehogs would seem far less adorable if they had more relevant names like `Stabbyrabbit` or `Weaponrat`
I don`t care what the expiration date says, I have to smell it
If you`re going to give me dirty looks for being at the liquor store at 10am, don`t be open.
She heard me call her a bitch so now I have 100 problems.
Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me. Fool me 8 times,......Your probably a woman.
A friend of mine told me i have to update my self and I asked my self : does he mean there can be a latest version of me?
Let’s fix the obesity problem AND improve eye-hand coordination by replacing vending machines with claw machines, make people earn snacks.
Building the city on rock and roll was probably the wrong move from an engineering perspective.